Q. I need to add more dialogue and make it less an outline but i dont know how :( please help me. Can you maybe edit a section with dialogue and show me?
Is it a good story at lease?
Russians send up a space shuttle with astronauts into space and they are not seen or heard from again.
A year later, the United States send up one of their own space shuttles with five American astronauts; three men, a women and a monkey. They are going to a newly discovered planet called planet W that is believed to support life.
While they are up in space, a tiny asteroid moving very fast punctures their return fuel tank. The puncture doesnât show up on their computers.
They arrive at planet W. The planet environment looks like a desert because of all the grey cactus plants but no sign of water or alien life. In their space suits, monkey included, they collect rocks and samples of the cactus then return to the ship. They try to fly back but the fuel tanks are empty. They try to contact Earth and tell them they have no fuel but since they are so far away it takes up to two weeks for the message to get there and another two weeks to get back to them.
They live off their food for a couple days in the space shuttle. To test if the air is toxic, Edgar pushes Arthurâs monkey out of the ship. They wait and the monkey doesnât die. Arthur opens the door and lets the monkey back in. He puts him on his shoulder and on at a time, they leave the shuttle and decide to go explore the planet. When they come back, they see the shuttle is tipped over and torn apart. They pull open the door and grab the radio.
All of a sudden, the ground starts shaking and they think itâs an earthquake. The ground splits open and a worm like alien jumps up out of the ground like a dolphin. They run out of the space ship and see a giant bird swoop down and pick up the worm then fly away. They wander through the desert and see a dark line in the distance. It is a green river filled with sparkles. When they get to the river, they try to cross it but the river carries them down and drops them off a waterfall. When they emerge, they see the grey of the planet is gone, and replaced with a jungle of bright colors. The trees are purple dangling fruit beneath them, rocks are yellow and little fireflies glow all around them.
They get out and start picking fruit off the trees. They donât know if the food is poisonous and when Arthur isnât looking, they feed it to the monkey. Once again, the monkey doesnât die and they feast on fruit.
They build a shelter and drink water from the waterfall. In the middle of the night, they hear the monkey scream outside of camp. Arthur darts out of the tent and hears something rustling and turns to see a flash of a tail disappear into the bushes. He runs back into the tent crying.
âSomething took my monkey. It is dark outside and there was something in the bushes. We have to get him back.â He gets up and points to were he saw the tail.
âYou baby, Iâm sure he just got off his leash and it was the monkeyâs tail you saw.â Brooke says. She marches into the jungle after it and trips. She screams and Edgar and Joe run out to help her. Arthur is left alone in the tent.
Edgar and Joe see Brooke and she is okay. The four of them return to the tent and see Arthur lying on the ground.
âStand back,â Edgar says. He leans over and sees two holes in his neck. âHis neck has been bitten and drained of blood.â
The group of three had been paying so much attention to Arthur that they hadnât noticed they werenât the only ones around. Brooke is the first to look up and sees a fluffy animal, no bigger than a small puppy with two feet and four arms. She walks closer to it.
âItâs so cute,â she says.
All of a sudden it growls and reveals needle like teeth dripping with blood. They look around and see hundreds of these creatures circling their camp. Joe runs at them and starts kicking them like soccer balls.
Brooke joins and picks up a stick and starts swings. They kill them all. Morning comes and they see monkey footprints. They follow it, through the jungle. While they are walking they hear the radio they have from their space shuttle start crackling.
âHello, hello is any one there?â Joe says into the radio. More static. He holds the radio higher in the sky to try to get a signal. They keep walking and see a spaceship.
âWere do you think this came from? Brooke asks.
They go inside and look around. Things were thrown about like confetti. They rummage through looking for signs of were the space shuttle came from.
An alien pops its head in the door, mutters something then darts back out. They look at each other then out the window. They are surrounded by red alien kangaroos glaring in their direction. These were much larger than the furry aliens they had kicked about earlier.
Brooke starts crying. âI donât think we are going to get out of this,
Is it a good story at lease?
Russians send up a space shuttle with astronauts into space and they are not seen or heard from again.
A year later, the United States send up one of their own space shuttles with five American astronauts; three men, a women and a monkey. They are going to a newly discovered planet called planet W that is believed to support life.
While they are up in space, a tiny asteroid moving very fast punctures their return fuel tank. The puncture doesnât show up on their computers.
They arrive at planet W. The planet environment looks like a desert because of all the grey cactus plants but no sign of water or alien life. In their space suits, monkey included, they collect rocks and samples of the cactus then return to the ship. They try to fly back but the fuel tanks are empty. They try to contact Earth and tell them they have no fuel but since they are so far away it takes up to two weeks for the message to get there and another two weeks to get back to them.
They live off their food for a couple days in the space shuttle. To test if the air is toxic, Edgar pushes Arthurâs monkey out of the ship. They wait and the monkey doesnât die. Arthur opens the door and lets the monkey back in. He puts him on his shoulder and on at a time, they leave the shuttle and decide to go explore the planet. When they come back, they see the shuttle is tipped over and torn apart. They pull open the door and grab the radio.
All of a sudden, the ground starts shaking and they think itâs an earthquake. The ground splits open and a worm like alien jumps up out of the ground like a dolphin. They run out of the space ship and see a giant bird swoop down and pick up the worm then fly away. They wander through the desert and see a dark line in the distance. It is a green river filled with sparkles. When they get to the river, they try to cross it but the river carries them down and drops them off a waterfall. When they emerge, they see the grey of the planet is gone, and replaced with a jungle of bright colors. The trees are purple dangling fruit beneath them, rocks are yellow and little fireflies glow all around them.
They get out and start picking fruit off the trees. They donât know if the food is poisonous and when Arthur isnât looking, they feed it to the monkey. Once again, the monkey doesnât die and they feast on fruit.
They build a shelter and drink water from the waterfall. In the middle of the night, they hear the monkey scream outside of camp. Arthur darts out of the tent and hears something rustling and turns to see a flash of a tail disappear into the bushes. He runs back into the tent crying.
âSomething took my monkey. It is dark outside and there was something in the bushes. We have to get him back.â He gets up and points to were he saw the tail.
âYou baby, Iâm sure he just got off his leash and it was the monkeyâs tail you saw.â Brooke says. She marches into the jungle after it and trips. She screams and Edgar and Joe run out to help her. Arthur is left alone in the tent.
Edgar and Joe see Brooke and she is okay. The four of them return to the tent and see Arthur lying on the ground.
âStand back,â Edgar says. He leans over and sees two holes in his neck. âHis neck has been bitten and drained of blood.â
The group of three had been paying so much attention to Arthur that they hadnât noticed they werenât the only ones around. Brooke is the first to look up and sees a fluffy animal, no bigger than a small puppy with two feet and four arms. She walks closer to it.
âItâs so cute,â she says.
All of a sudden it growls and reveals needle like teeth dripping with blood. They look around and see hundreds of these creatures circling their camp. Joe runs at them and starts kicking them like soccer balls.
Brooke joins and picks up a stick and starts swings. They kill them all. Morning comes and they see monkey footprints. They follow it, through the jungle. While they are walking they hear the radio they have from their space shuttle start crackling.
âHello, hello is any one there?â Joe says into the radio. More static. He holds the radio higher in the sky to try to get a signal. They keep walking and see a spaceship.
âWere do you think this came from? Brooke asks.
They go inside and look around. Things were thrown about like confetti. They rummage through looking for signs of were the space shuttle came from.
An alien pops its head in the door, mutters something then darts back out. They look at each other then out the window. They are surrounded by red alien kangaroos glaring in their direction. These were much larger than the furry aliens they had kicked about earlier.
Brooke starts crying. âI donât think we are going to get out of this,
Answer
A very well written story, great plot, and nice use of grammar; though it could use a bit more details in some places. But other than that, it's a good story, better than most I've read. As for the dialogue, they should sound a bit more tense considering their monkey's missing and one of the them just got murdered--the way you've written it, you make them sound like the death of Arthur didn't matter to them. Please keep up the good work, your story was an interesting read. ^^
A very well written story, great plot, and nice use of grammar; though it could use a bit more details in some places. But other than that, it's a good story, better than most I've read. As for the dialogue, they should sound a bit more tense considering their monkey's missing and one of the them just got murdered--the way you've written it, you make them sound like the death of Arthur didn't matter to them. Please keep up the good work, your story was an interesting read. ^^
I asked this question before, but there weren't any good answers...?
Q. The question: what's this WWII movie called?
Description:
It showed black-and-white footage of Jesse Owens in the Olympics (not to mention Hitler's angry look. he was totally ticked off -- haha). Anyway, the movie was in Russian, but it could be in English.
It's about this French Jew (who wears a beret) who's a good boxer. In the beginning, during a wrestling match, he accidentally pours a bucket of water on a fashionable lady instead of the exhausted boxer. Later on, he goes to a library called Rosenthal (the movie takes place in Germany, I think) and when he tries to leave, the Nazi police try to stop him but he beats them up. Two Nazis were punched out of the window while some were hit with violins, etc. He then runs into the street, changes into gym clothes, and takes the torch from the Olympic winner and runs with it. The Jewish man later flies a parachute, has encounters with a bear (who crawls into their tent while camping at night), and drives an old-fashioned 1940s white car down the road while being chased by motorcycle policemen (Nazis, I presume). The very end has Hitler attending a German farm party or something, idk, but he gets driven into the river with ducks or geese or something.
Thing is, I remember I saw this movie when I was a kid, but now I don't remember. It was really funny though.
No it isn't.
Description:
It showed black-and-white footage of Jesse Owens in the Olympics (not to mention Hitler's angry look. he was totally ticked off -- haha). Anyway, the movie was in Russian, but it could be in English.
It's about this French Jew (who wears a beret) who's a good boxer. In the beginning, during a wrestling match, he accidentally pours a bucket of water on a fashionable lady instead of the exhausted boxer. Later on, he goes to a library called Rosenthal (the movie takes place in Germany, I think) and when he tries to leave, the Nazi police try to stop him but he beats them up. Two Nazis were punched out of the window while some were hit with violins, etc. He then runs into the street, changes into gym clothes, and takes the torch from the Olympic winner and runs with it. The Jewish man later flies a parachute, has encounters with a bear (who crawls into their tent while camping at night), and drives an old-fashioned 1940s white car down the road while being chased by motorcycle policemen (Nazis, I presume). The very end has Hitler attending a German farm party or something, idk, but he gets driven into the river with ducks or geese or something.
Thing is, I remember I saw this movie when I was a kid, but now I don't remember. It was really funny though.
No it isn't.
Answer
Its White Pride World Wide by Steven Spermburg
Its White Pride World Wide by Steven Spermburg
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